Is it just me?

**sunhawk** · March 2nd, 2005, 02:15 AM

I think the last time i felt certain there was a good possibility that Darren was lurking on a board was the SG BBS and since the split, that certainty has not returned. But even when i felt Darren was close to us online and quite interactive, that's not what kept me coming back, it was my fellow bbsers. You are right Nic in that it was easier to act positive back in the SG heyday because i think everyone on that board that posted regularly did so because they enjoyed most SG things. I also think that discussions of the albums didn't get the negative label back then, for whatever reasons.

I would just like to clarify the two instances that Nic refered to, just because i was closely involved with them. I am not sure what special treatment you are refering to with Caedn at a show, the closest i can think of is the time she was allowed inside the MuchMusic studio for one of Darren's appearances and that was a thank you for her work as a moderator. As for Dyan's mention on TV, that was actually the work of Caedn, myself and a number of other SG BBSers who arranged to ask Darren if he could show his feet to Dyan, it was all part of a bbs joke at the time about seeing Naked Hayes Feet LOL

I can't really comment on the change of mentioning fans by Darren because, to me, there has always been the same amount of support and jealousy towards fans who get mentioned.

I agree with what Dyan said, that the support was still there and many fans felt furthur alienated when they were told they weren't being supportive or that they weren't fans. I'm glad you got what i mean Dyan because you were still very supportive after your more stereotypical supportiveness faded...can i call it maybe a more fanatical supportiveness? The more blatant support i refer to is more, back in the day, when you would post things that came across as "don't say negative things about Darren, he can do no wrong" (which you may or may not have meant to say) and sometimes it would get my back up and i remember a few of the arguements i either watched or participated in LOL. I mean, there was a time when you and i didn't get along very well LOL Though the exact state of our mutual disagreements was in constant flux and wasn't the kind of dislike that we have seen in the past between "rival" fans and we got past it eventually, to my pleasure because i consider you a good online friend of mine. I think it's when you modified your support to something easier for me to deal with (not to say you changed because of me, you merely reacted to Spin like we all did) but it wasn't the kind of white charger, never admit defeat kind of support that seems to be prefered by the powers that be. You were willing to admit that Spin might not be a chart-topper, that maybe Sony wasn't promoting it correctly, you dared to suggest they were making mistakes.

The thing they don't get or don't care about is that you said those things because you cared. You are completely right that many of us, and yes i don't mind being used as an example, were really hurt because we were told we weren't supportive, we weren't fans because we wouldn't play the Darren defender role anymore. Our support was judged and dismissed, and often our hurt over the break up of SG seemed to be perceived as an attack on Darren. I know many people who felt they were not allowed to publically grieve the death of the band. And it was something people needed to grieve about. I had a few of my closest online friends call me in tears when they heard the news.

That hurt and bewilderment was often rudely dismissed by other fans, as questions about the break up were seen as being insulting when often people were just trying to get a clear picture what had happened because the break came out of nowhere for many people. Before that, what we were told, what we read in magazines mostly made sense as a whole. After the break was announced, that's when we started to realize just how little we really knew, how much we had assumed or just thought was the normal state of affairs. With the rug pulled out from under us, i know i started to question things i never thought i'd question or doubt. And it hurt me to even question, i didn't want to stop being on that easy street where everything was gold. But i was still supportive, otherwise i wouldn't have bothered to try to figure it all out and i wouldn't be here today *chuckle*

eep my posts seem to be getting longer @_@ anyway, just my perspective [img]redface.gif[/img]

**Dyan** · March 2nd, 2005, 03:32 AM

Steen, I think we were (and are) all growing and finding our ways -- both individually and as an online community. But yes, there were some *clears throat* interesting times. LOL

To me, that's this is what counts. We can have problems, but then we can also give each other understanding and another chance ...... often without the need of a spoken agreement. And we can find compassion in our hearts when the chips are down.

Not just here, although I'm saying this here and so this certainly applies here too, but also on the Anti board, the SG board and ..... oh golly, but I can't remember other board ....... mega DH (???). And, of course, some of the bbs'ers.

[ March 02, 2005 01:34 AM: Message edited by: Dyan ]

**gracie32** · March 2nd, 2005, 04:02 AM

[quote]Originally posted by sharonlk:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Laurina:

I think understanding is a 2 way street. For every person who wants to share that they aren't happy with something that was said or done, there are going to be people who are happy; and both sides have to understand one another. People don't have to agree, but it would be nice to see some more understanding.

All I am really saying is that it would be good to see more acceptance that every type of fan is welcome and just because people don't agree does not mean they can't speak out in regards to how they feel.

Honestly... this whole thing has tired me to the point of where I am miserable and feeling like I just don't give a f*** any longer. Sad when that happens because I used to get such joy from this fanbase.

[ February 28, 2005 06:03 PM: Message edited by: Laurina ]

[img]smile.gif[/img] I'd also like to apologise if anything I have ever said has been too forthright or has offended anyone just because I believe in the music, and yes the man, still. It was never my intention.

Sharon

[ March 01, 2005 05:23 AM: Message edited by: sharonlk ]<hr /></blockquote>Sharon, I don't think you have ever offended anyone. Every post that I have read of yours seems to me anyways to be well thought out and very well said.

Laurie, it's sad to see your for the lack of a better word frustration about this. To see that the fanbase doesn't bring you that much joy anymore is not a good thing.

I'm trying to think what I could add to this conversation which has been great to read. One thing is that everything here has been discuss rationally and it hasn't been one of those topics turned into personal attacks that can happen if it was on (I feel bad in saying this) another board.

DarrensPassion · March 2nd, 2005, 04:11 AM

Sharon, nothing you have said has ever offended me, so you've nothing to apologise for.

Laurie, I feel pretty much the same way about things right now as you do. [img]graemlins/girl_hug.gif[/img]

Janie xx

**mlue** · March 2nd, 2005, 05:08 AM

Can someone clarify for me the whole bit about being told you were not supportive and that you weren't a good fan if you weren't supportive?

I miss a lot of things....but wasn't it always just a group of fans that said that?

**sunhawk** · March 2nd, 2005, 05:47 AM

LOL well obviously Darren or Leonie never said anything about not being a fan if you weren't supportive. But there has always been a lot of encouragement to support Darren, that he constantly thanks those who are supportive of him, it's obvious it's on his mind at least sometimes.

You are right that it was mostly other fans who made me at the very least feel that attitude of judgement, perhaps twisting Darren's genuine thankfulness into believing that we would upset him if we weren't supportive. And, following this logically, he has admitted he didn't feel supported in the past and it..er..supports that idea of "a good fan supports Darren" in appearance, even if that may not be the literal truth.

Remember, all we got in this game is appearances, so if something appears to be the case, it's often treated as true. A muddled mess, for certain *chuckle*

**Dyan** · March 2nd, 2005, 05:48 AM

I think we were talking in a more general sense, Marilu.

But to reply to your question ..... There are many ways of getting a very clear message, and actually hearing or reading the words is only one. Actions count too.

*edit*

I was going to bed and thinking "Okay, let's be fair... WHAT actions." And the thing is that I could post several examples and, to be fair, every one of them could easily have a very innocent explanation. So I have to say ........

I don't know. I'm left with more question than answers these days. ALL that I really know is that my experience in life is that it is extremely rare to have a situation where one party is totally responsible and another party is totally uninvolved or not responsible.

Darren and his staff ARE directly involved with what happens in the fan base. Hell, we only have to look at who they choose to design and run the fan club website or the fact that Darren's management coordinates promo efforts with fans to see that. So if he gets the benefit of that involvement and esp if that involvement is intentional, then he also has to carry some of the responsiblity for the mistakes that occur.

I mean, isn't that how life works???? If you get involved in a situation and that situation goes bad, then you have to also look at your own actions too.

I'm not accusing him or saying that Darren or his staff or family are bad people. Believe it or not, I still believe that Darren is a good man trying to do the best that he can in life. But I get damned tired of feeling like it was all in my head and things weren't what they appeared each and every f'ing time.

I'm sorry, but the fans weren't in this alone.

[ March 02, 2005 08:13 AM: Message edited by: Dyan ]

**sunhawk** · March 2nd, 2005, 05:52 AM

Originally posted by mlue:
My memory of the splt was not that there was a lot of love and acceptance. I remember things being very divided. If I had been in Darren's shoes and had been hoping for acceptance and understanding, I don't think I would have felt it on the boards. From some fans..yes but it was a pretty ugly board for awhile there.

But I guess we all perceive things differently...who knows how he perceived things but I suspect things that happened then shaped the way things are today.

I agree it was in many ways a selfish time, because most of us were looking out for ourselves or maybe our close friends in such a turbulent time. I certainly remember everyone was basically in defensive mode at the time, not that i blame them because so was i *s* Darren may have looked for acceptance there but i don't know how fair it was to expect automatic acceptance of a break like that. It's like if you smack your dog and then expect to be able to pet him right afterwards. Are you going to get upset at the dog if he snarls at you and backs away?

How could we be expected to be understanding when we had the two men we loved (not as in love, but love in the way you love those you don't know) telling us conflicting stories and we were awash in confusing rumours and halftruths?

**Kattitude** · March 2nd, 2005, 07:24 AM

Mlue no you are right there wasnt alot of love and acceptance it was a divided fanbase. Everybody was on the defensive and I include myself in that. Yes it may of been just a group that were putting that message out there but it seemed to be more than that. It was just a general feeling in the air. The way it went down. I guess we all see things differently.

I agree once again with all Dyan and Steen have said. Some things dont have to be written to be perceived as so. Perhaps we all made mistakes and I think we did. But yes as we have to own up so does DH and crew as they do have some say so in how things occur.

Kat

**sharonlk** · March 2nd, 2005, 03:41 PM

Originally posted by BarbT:
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Dyan:
[qb]
But then, call me weird, but I have always believed that it is perfectly possible to accept, support and love someone .... yes, unconditionally accept and love ...... and at the same time dislike or disapprove of something they might do or say. I can be flat out furious at someone, but that never changes my feelings toward them.

well then you'd better call me weird too [img]smile.gif[/img] <hr /></blockquote>Count me in on that - you only have to have husband/kids/parents to realise that one.

[ March 02, 2005 11:42 AM: Message edited by: sharonlk ]

Thread: Is it just me?

Thread Tools

Display

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions